In thinking through this blog, one of the things I really want to be able to do, is post on a more regular schedule. But despite making these plans, I always wind up getting stuck. I don't want to post until I have something to say, because the opposite (posting just to post), seems like a waste of everyone's time. In order to have something to say, I have to be motivated to write, which I am rarely... not just for this blog, but for everything now a days. I could easily chalk this up to writer's block (or more accurately, the journey of trying to finish my dissertation and transition to faculty). But to take a pause, I think it really speaks to the concept of motivation. Last week, I came across an Instagram post about motivation and working out. I don't quite remember the exact phrase nor the person whom I can properly credit (and googling "motivation" "working out" was not at all helpful), but the gist of it was:
We get trapped into this idea that we have to be motivated to work out because that makes working out more "fun." But motivation shouldn't be the driving force because we lose it. Instead, we should work (out) regardless and let the motivation come and go, but not let it detract from doing the work.
Or something like that. Again, it was a quick read and I have pretty terrible memory. If you came across it, please let me know so I can do it better justice. But this idea of motivation and the reframe of it not being my driving force, is definitely a huge shift for me. For writing, I like to have myself and my students to reflect on when we write best. And for me, I have to want it; I have to be motivated. It might be a spark, a new inspiration, but if I am not motivated, the juices aren't flowing, the writing is stilted, and I'll usually stop after a couple of (excruciating) minutes. The problem that I have right now, is that I am unmotivated to write. And so I won't. And I don't. I don't write. But I need to write.
Joan Bolker wrote a book called, "Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day: A Guide to Starting, Revising, and Finishing Your Doctoral Thesis." Obviously, you cannot write a dissertation in just 15 minutes per day, but the general gist is a similar critique on motivation: you just need to write. And so I've been. And so I have. And it's been painful. I look at the sentences I wrote the day before and cringe, but also know that in waiting for that lightning moment, I won't actually be getting closer to doing the work. So instead, I'm trying to push through my writer's block, find joy in being consistent, and (re)writing my relationship with motivation. And hopefully this will also translate to me writing more regularly on this blog as well... but no promises made~
Having spent 2019 intentionally reading Womxn of Color, I'm carrying the same intention into 2020. Check out my bookshelf of some of my faves and send me recs!
When I'm trying to concentrate, I like having background music that's super dramatic. For some reason, instrumental music is instrumental (pun!) in helping me concentrate. Most of the songs are Korean-drama OSTs (original sound tracks), w/ a few classical music scores in the mix!
I don't categorize anything other than my "random round-ups" because it takes too much work (insert laughing emoji).