Processing a Publication

Exactly one week ago, I found out that Thought and Action, the National Education Association's peer-reviewed journal published my article, "The Perception of Progress: Conceptualizing Institutional Response to Student Protests and Activism." I'm, as the blog title suggests, still processing through what this means. ​

Link to article

And I think the first thing that I have come to realize is how much this entire process— academia, publications, pipelining, all this— is a labor of love. It sounds incredibly cliché, and in a lot of ways, it is, but even to get the point where I was able to consider publishing, was a feat of love. My undergraduate years were marked with anxiety, perfectionism, and at times, crippling self-doubt. Not much has changed more than 10 years later.

And research feels personal— IS personal. I filet myself and say, "Here, please critique this life's work that is built on experiences, thoughts, and beliefs of myself and the people I love." So last year, when I started thinking of this framework, a framework to critique colleges and universities on their responses to issues of campus racism and student activism, I viewed it as a theoretical possibility (read: dream), not the reality of an actual paper in front of me. I went through the process of believing it was not good enough, which of course, stems from believing I am not (good) enough. And those questions and struggles are not gone, just because there's something with my name on it now, and is likely a blog post for another day. So for me, this experience as a labor of love because it required me, not just to love my work, but to try to love myself and get myself to be vulnerable in ways that I avoid doing.

Additionally, this publication process was also labor of love because of all the people who loved me through it: 

• the texts and gifts people sent me when I had writers block,
• the cups of coffee, the glasses of wine, the shots of tequila when I was stuck or moping or stressed or celebrating small milestones, 
• the time people took to review copies, check grammar, do a read-through,
• the vulnerability people shared about their own experiences,
• the examples of cover letters and email drafts people sent me, 
• the words of encouragement, support, and "real talk" when I was all up in my feelings, 
• and on and on and on... 

As I'm processing through this whole experience of "what in the actual realm of possibilities is happening *cue hysterical laughter*" I cannot separate this experience from the incredible community around me, the privilege of having such a community, and the responsibility to be that community to others~